What Is My Life?

my guidance counselor told me i was special :)

i told her that my classmates are pure fucking assholes and don’t know where the fuck they’re ought to go and i don’t blend in with them and it’s hard to not be in on the common loop and i’m not really used to being in par with the regular class because i’ve been in the honors’ class my whole life and told her how i’m so disappointed/frustrated that i’m not active in college even though i’m involved in fucking everything back in high school. i told her about how confused i actually fucking am because of the course i fucking took. because i want to fulfill my childhood dreams of being a doctor but idk if the present me can further compensate for what i wanted 10 years ago. that all i really am can be connected to art. and she asked me what kind/field of art. and i looked at her incredulously because hell, art is everywhere, i don’t believe it should be put into “fields” idk. but i told her i’m not really into doing art, i’m into living art. i want spontaneity and freedom, and poems and beauty… the finer things in life. but i wanted to have security when i am old, hence i pursue being a doctor. because there’s plenty of time to make art after all the shit that will happen.

she smiled all the way.

i think i might have divulge a LOT, but whatever. i connect better to people who’re older anyway. i also just realized that i’ve solved all my problems lol wat.

but in the end, she told me that i’m ~an ideal student~ because i want to learn and discover and all that jazz. (LOL. true though. i’m not contented to just half-assed teachers who give high grades (coughFILIPINOcough), i want to milk shit out.) also told me she knows i’m going places, she feels it. and that i’m unique. and that i shouldn’t lose who i am because she can tell i’m special.

FUCK. made me happy/hopeful all the way through the day. i bet she may have told that to countless people who came to her because of appointments she set herself, but whatever.

whatever.